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The Unseen Life
This week, I reflected on the passing of our local char kway teow uncle. He was small, energetic, and served every plate with a toothless grin. When news spread that he died "alone," the community murmured with pity.
But when we label a solitary death as "poor," we project our fears onto another’s journey. We judge because it feels safer than accepting the mystery of a life lived in quiet independence. We cannot know the fullness of another’s internal world.
There is a profound irony in how we show up for the dead. While many attend out of genuine, heartfelt grief—and we must always hold space for that sorrow—others arrive for performance. It becomes a final act of theatre to appear "filial" or to seek validation. It asks a hard question: are we there to honour the departed, or to perform care for our own reputation?
A life's worth is measured by how we treated others while they were breathing, not by the ceremony held when they are gone. As we navigate this, I find peace in three shifts:
1) From complexity to simplicity: Stop judging how others live or die. Find clarity in the quiet integrity of daily life—a smile, a meal, or a steady breath.
2) From chasing to arriving: Peace isn’t a prize to be won; it is a room we step into by accepting our story, exactly as it is, right here and now.
3) From holding on to letting be: Nothing is permanent. By accepting this, we can hold our heavy stories more lightly.
True care is the daily presence we offer while someone is alive.
When my time comes, I don’t want a ceremony or a show. I want to be remembered for the authenticity of my path and the warmth I shared.
For those who misunderstood or judged me—that is okay. I accept your opinion and I let go.
I hope that by living this way, I can leave behind a sense of peace that doesn't demand performance from others but instead grants them the grace to hold my story gently, honour the truth of our time together, and eventually, find the lightness to move on.
May you live a life that feels honest to you, and hold your own story with kindness.
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